Desperate for my Abba

Wow...I'm learning something through the past few months..... your emotions can change in an instant!!! And, honestly, I hate it! I want to be able to regulate my emotions, yet I don't feel like I am capable of doing that right now. I really don't like it.

You know what else? I'm finding that I have a pretty rotten attitude lately. I could find the positive; but sometimes it's hard and it takes too much work....and i don't want to. But this is a goal for this week....to find something positive each day.

And lately, I've really seen my mean sinful nature come up. At times I wish I swore just so that I could show the intensity of my emotions. And yet -- I know that a swear word really doesn't show the intensity of it....but I feel like it does right now. And I really wish that I could just scream any 4-letter word, just to get the emotion out. You might be wondering if this is really "Aimee" writing this...but it is! It's just been a pretty bad 3 weeks.

I'm desperate for alone time. I'm desperate for someone to understand. I'm desperate for a male authority figure-one that is in charge of me 24/7 who I can fight with when I don't want to do what he tells me to do. I'm desperate for love. I'm desperate for someone to not be afraid of my tears and just let me cry and stay with them until everything's cleared up. I'm desperate for acceptance. I'm desperate for a family. I'm desperate for my dad.

And....yet - I think these all point to the one thing I really am desperate for --- my Abba (my Daddy) Who is an authority figure, Who understands, Who accepts me, Who knows each of my tears and wipes them away gently, Who has a plan and will be with me until life starts to look up, Who is my family, Who loves me so much more wholely, completely, and perfectly than any human could ever love me. He wants to be/do all of this for me. And He wants to do it for you too.

Trust your Abba. Our God is in control. Be at peace, my soul.