Life's been interesting lately. Lots of changes, lots of pain, lots of joy. It's been so crazy.
2 weeks ago, I was in the Dominican Republic for a week. It was exactly what I needed. I went on a mission trip with an organization outside of Geneva....meaning I only knew one person on my team. That was exactly what I needed. I needed to be away from everyone who knew my pain and who knew my situation. I didn't have cell phone or internet. That was exactly what I needed. We were there to serve and to get closer to God....I helped out with Vacation Bible School with the children in Haitian villages. These kids only receive one a meal or one meal every two days. They live in shacks that are smaller than my bedroom and some run around naked. And yet...all these kids want are for you to hug them, hold them, and give them a piggy back ride. It was so humbling to look at them and see their need - a need to just be loved. That was exactly what I needed. So many of them would come up to you and ask for your shoes. They would show their shoes to you...and they literally had holes in the bottom of the soles where their heels hit. At the end of the week, I gave two pairs of my shoes and some other items to two boys. That was exactly what I needed. These kids' need for love reminded me of God's love and His presence. He showed up; He's still here and still in control of my life. He is good and He cares so deeply about me. That was exactly what I needed. It was such a good trip....not the typical mission trip I would have gone on, but it was just the thing I needed for this time in my life. God is good!
Today marks the 10 month anniversary of my dad's death. It's so weird to think it's been that long. In some ways, it seems like it was forever ago, and other times it seems like it was just last week. We're in the double digits...that's kinda scary, because it means we are getting close to the year anniversary. I still miss him so much; he was such a good dad to me, despite our disagreements. He provided so much love and security. But, I've found that I'm healing. The Dominican trip really helped me to lean on God, because He was truly the only One I had. I've coming around...feeling God's joy again and trusting Him.
Do you ever have those times when you are just so incredibly confused about life? That's where I'm at right now. I just don't know what God's Will is in so many areas of my life. I know He will guide and provide open and closed doors. How do you know what God's will is? How do you know when something is from Him? Life is confusing. And that leads to fear. I found that I'm fearful of some things these days. Why is it that when life starts to get confusing, you start to get anxious and fear? I think it's becasue we want control...we want to just know the future and not wait on God's timing. However, God's the One who knows all things, and He will not reveal His will to you a minute too early or a minute to late. It all comes down to giving your fears over to Him and trusting Him to provide at the right moment. Praise Him for his incredible and perfect timing!
"You are the One who controls all time, can I bring you all of my fears tonight?" - Jonny Diaz
Take your fears to Jesus; He's got it all under control.
