9 weeks.

9 weeks.

It's been 9 weeks since I started teaching. It's hard to believe that I have made it through. It has been 9 weeks full of blessing, challenges, laughter, tears, grumpy days, and moments of thankfulness. I have been so thankful for this position. I would not give it up for anything! There are plenty of days where I wonder if I will ever get through the day...but God brings me through it. I am truly going to miss my kiddos when the teacher returns.

9 weeks. Since my last day off.

9 weeks. Since I relaxed and did nothing for a whole day.

9 weeks. Since I sat still and read a book.

9 weeks. Since I could do whatever I wanted.

9 weeks. Since I took time to sit still before God.

9 weeks. Since I made phone calls to precious friends.

9 weeks. Of feeling the tension between being a Christian in a secular work environment.

9 weeks. Of pushing back my emotions for 8 hours during the day.

9 weeks. Of forgetting myself and serving 21 precious, yet needy children for 8 hours.

9 weeks. Of feeling the awkward transition between college and career.

9 weeks. Of writing lesson plan after lesson plan after lesson plan.

9 weeks. Of being mentally "on" for 8 hours. Try it sometime; it's exhausting.

I have loved teaching. I've loved the children. I love my class. I love my challenging students. I love the school and the teachers I work with.

But the one thing I don't love is that lack of time to spend with God. I've been feeling frustrated lately. When I was college, I had so much more free time. I thought I was busy, but compared to this, I had some spare time to relax. I was able to read my Bible more, pray, read spiritual growth books, and serve others more. Now, I hardly have time to do anything but my short 30 minute devotions each day. I want to be consumed with Christ, I want to be serving others, I want to be praising Him all day. But I physically can't due to my job demands. I'm learning that your spiritual walk is going to look different based upon what season of life you're in. And that's something I have to come to accept. I can be just as close to God but it may look different. I may not be able to read my Bible as much as I want or be serving others in the most tangible way -- but I can be praying throughout the day and serving my kiddos each day and try to share Christ's light with them.

I pray that I will never lose passion for Christ and His work -- I pray he will give it back to me in a greater way that I've ever experience - and I pray I will always follow His will.

I'm still in the limbo season of life where I don't have a clue what the future holds -- and that doesn't work too well for someone who likes to plan 5 years from now. :) I'm learning to trust God and to live in the moment -- not 5 years from now.

Here's a few pictures of my lovely pumpkin carving experience -- something I haven't done since I was a young child. I just had to include a picture of my "big brother" Steve on here... :)

Give Thanks!

When was the last time you said "Thank You" to God?

As I was exercising yesterday, the song "Thank You" by 33 Miles came on the tv. As I listened to the lyrics that I have heard plenty of times, I wondered to myself, "When was the last time I thanked God for the small things?" It's been awhile, honestly.

With my graduation from college in May, it has been quite the emotional summer. I have had interviews but no success. My summer has been full of worry and anxiety about my future. Do I teach in a public school? Private? Cyber School? Overseas? Do I pursue missions work? Do I wait a year and then go overseas? Should I find random work until the teaching market is better? I honestly do not know where God is calling me right now. It's been 3 months of intense searching but still have not a clue of what my future (as in where I will be even 3 weeks from today) looks like!

However - while I was on my mission trip to Ukraine this July, I realized that I have to put my trust in God and let go of my past because He has a beautiful and wonderful future for me. Part of this means that my calling is to live a completely surrendered and abandoned, poured out life for Him where He receives the glory for everything I do. But this also means that I want to develop a spirit of thankfulness in my life.

I've recently started a "Gratitude Journal" to record the small miracles that God works each day in my life. It sure has helped me to become more joyful and thankful for all that God does for me - even while I'm facing a very unknown future and anxious days that come with a transition.

Today, I'm thankful for...

- a good back to read

- the beautiful sunshine

- the cool breeze that gave relief from the heat

- a day to relax

- the opportunity to travel around the world and spread God's love

- amazing friends - from elementary school to those I just met last month

- a mother who is a wonderful cook

- a nice cup of coffee from time to time

- the peace that God will provide a job in His time

- God's faithfulness and provision

So - let me ask you again -- when was the last time you thanked God?

Thank You for everything,

Thank You for loving me,

It don't even matter what tomorrow brings,

Well I will sing,

Thank You for the sun and rain,

For what You give and take away,

For all Your goodness I will always say,

Thank You.

~33 Miles..."Thank You"~

Is Your Soul Happy?

When you wake up in the morning, what is the first thing you think of? Is it that you don't want to wake up, or of the pressing work that needs to be done for the day? Do you think of what you have to do that day or do you think of your Savior?

I stumbled upon a quote tonight that encouraged me of what needs to be my first priority in the morning.

The first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day

is to have my soul happy in the Lord.

– George Mueller

Does this ring true in your life? Do you make sure your soul is happy in the Lord as soon as you wake up? Although I do do my devotions each morning first thing, I tend to be tired and sometimes stumble my way through them. But - am I making my soul happy in the Lord? It is the first great and primary thing that needs to happen - every day, every where, under every circumstance....make your soul happy in Jesus.

Recently I have been pouring my heart into listening to God, praying more, grasping for truth, and searching for His will. It has been an incredible rocky yet rewarding time. Satan is definitely trying to hold me back, but God continues to pull through each time. As I have rediscovered this love relationship with Him, I have seen that the rest of my day will be fine if I just make my soul happy in the Lord first. Things may happen that may go wrong, but it doesn't matter - because I know "the One I've trusted in can take care of what He's trusted me to do right until the end." (2 Timothy 1:12)

So - what about you -- are you making your soul happy in the Lord first thing in the morning? Is that your primary business for the day?

P.S. -- Can't believe I can finally say this...but I am a college graduate! :) It was bittersweet...but I know that God is going to continue to guide me throughout this crazy adventure I am on! Here's a picture with me and Dr. Jesky-Smith -- one of my professors who truly challenged her students, yet showed me personally how much she cared! A big thanks to all who have supported me through the years - and to Geneva for showing their care and concern, especially when my father passed away. It was a great 4 years - but the time has come. Goodbye Geneva, Hello Adult World!

Living in the Moment

It's been a long hiatus, but I figured it was time for another post.

It's been one of those nights....a night of pondering, questioning, and praying. One thing I was reminded of tonight was that you can't turn back time. No matter how much you try, you can't keep living in the past. You have to move forward. So many try to stay stuck in the past...and I'm sure I have tried to do so. But if you want to grow, you have to be living in the present. Living in the moment.

That's what I'm learning. Learn to live in the moment. Sure, you need to plan ahead for the future, but there are so many little moments that will slip you by if you are too carefully planned or focused on the future. (Something I am guilty of way too often.) Learn to see the little things in life that can bring joy.

Today things that brought me joy were....

- the feeling you get after you exercise

- talking to an old friend after 3 months of silence

- praying with others in the midst of their heartache

- listening to someone talk about their life as a missionary

- remembering my time in Rome and Florence and the beautiful scenery

- feeling rain drops fall on my face

- a banana chocolate milkshake

- hearing about receiving a tax credit

- being reminded that today, Good Friday, Christ bore my sins so that God's wrath was satisfied

It's been an interesting few months...but it's time to start living in the moment again. Seeing the joy in the everyday miracles... Matthew West's song pretty much sums it up for me.... "I don't want to go through the motions, I don't want to go one more day, without Your all consuming passion inside of me." Will you join me in living in the moment?

Lastly, this weekend is Easter. I was talking with a friend of mine today how Jesus' death has never really felt "real" to me...never felt like it was that big of a deal. Yes, I know it was. It was a huge deal....unfortunately, because I've been exposed to the story since I was born, it has just become second-nature to me...and I've become immuned to the freshness of His grace and love. So..my prayer for this Easter season is that I will be able to see Christ's death in a new way; a real and fresh way that reminds me of His amazing, unconditional love for me as He took the lashes and bruises, the nails and jeerings for me...His rebellious, unloving, undeserving child.

"In Christ alone, who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save.

Til on the cross, as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ, I live.

There in the ground, His body lay,

Light of the world by darkness slain,

Then bursting forth in glorious Day,

Up from the grave He arose again.

And as He stands in victory,

Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me.

For I am His and He is mine,

Bought with the precious blood of Christ."

Praise the Lord -- I have a Savior who stands in victory, I am free as sin can not control me. No power of hell or scheme of man will ever be able to pluck me from His hand. In the power of Christ I stand. Do you?