Steady My Heart

I am at a loss of words for the things going on in life right now. God is still good but there's been a lot of growing recently. But, there's been plenty of songs that have been the cry of my heart recently. So here they are.

"Steady My Heart" by Kari Jobes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vkdUJGaBqI&feature=youtu.be

"God Is Still God" by Heather Williams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcYDcLiiXmU

"Forever Reign"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRBQtIEEkrU

Let Christ steady your heart in a world that is full of change, hurts, and messiness.

2012

Is it really 13 days into the 2012? Where has the time gone? I feel like it was just last week when I was sitting in front of the tv watching all the weird artists sing and dance in order to help the USA ring in the New Year.

life flies.

Especially when you're an adult. It's still so weird to say that...when did I grow up, have to leave my childhood ways behind (still working on that...), and work 40+ hours a week? When did alot of my friends start getting married and getting their "life" started, while I'm still searching for God's will for the next few months, let alone beginning a family? When did I get to the point where I'm realizing that it's now...or never?

I always thought that by the time I'd be an adult, I'd be content with who I am in God, I'd be more joyful, more in love with Him, more loving and caring, positive, not critical, emotionally stable, the best woman I could ever be. And yet....here I am .... an adult, yet still living in her childhood and teenage ways. It's a hard concept to swallow. I'm not who I want to be. I still have so many growing points in my life. But, maybe that's where God's grace comes in -- we will always be needing to grow in some area of our life. There will never be a time where we will be perfect until the day we stand in the glory of the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. Our Maker. Our Savior. Our Redeemer and Rescuer. Our Perfecter.

So. 2012 is the year I will change. It is the year that I will make more of an effort to start living the things I want to become. Ever since my dad's death in 2009, it has really been a struggle to grow in God. It's been a struggle to love Him passionately and trust Him unconditionally - to trust Him to bring good into my life after so much pain. I have clung to person after person in an attempt to heal the hurt and pain from losing the man in my life who I loved most and who was most like me. And I have run from every pain by being involved in every "good, Christian" activity/area of service possible in order to push down the hurt. But it didn't work. And I have had no joy for the past 2.5 years. God brought me to an ultimate low point at the end of this past year. Despite having everything going for me, I was at a low that I hadn't been since my dad's death. January 1, I realized what was missing. I was clinging to people and centering my life around people instead of around God, the One who can truly hold my life together. I know I can't go on living my life like that....and so I choose to change.

I'm running to Your arms; I'm running to Your arms.

The riches of Your love will always be enough.

Nothing compares to Your embrace.

Light of the World, forever reign.

In 2012, I want to...

center my life around the Creator of the Universe and the Holder of my heart

laugh more

love more - both God and people

trust God with every area of my life

be more positive

show the love of Christ to my students

spark a flame in my students' hearts for helping those in need

start making changes NOW....for it is only today that we are guaranteed.

Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm.

Oh no, You never let go, in every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me.

Thank you, Lord, for never letting go of this wretch.