Random Thoughts

I don't have anything real great to say today....just lots of little things that have been on my mind. So here they are...

• Our God is an amazing God! Have you checked out the sunsets lately? They're beautiful!
• I was reading the book of Esther in the Bible the other week. And one of the first verses that I came across was "Mordecai had a cousin named Hadassah, whom he had brought up because she had neither father nor mother. This girl, who was also known as Esther, was lovely in form and features, and Mordecai had taken her as his own daughter when her father and mother died." (Esther 2:7). It was just enlightening to read that Esther was an orphan, yet she let her cousin/uncle be a father figure in her life - and she also not only became Queen, but saved her people. What a testimony! I may not have lost both of my parents....but it reminded me that it's ok to let someone be a father figure to me....and also that the death of a parent at a young age does not have to suppress what you can do in life. I can still be successful and and happy - even if Dad's not on this Earth to see it.
• I have been SO blessed! I have amazing adult friends, whether that's my bosses, professors, or family/church friends, who have helped me through so much; wonderful friends at Geneva who have been patient with me this first month of school; and overall..just a wonderful life. I have been spared from so much pain and heartache - and I know it's only because of God.
• Frustration is still a pretty noticeable emotion in my life lately. I just seem to get frustrated with everything. I need prayers for this!
• I have had 3 really good days lately. Just days where things feel a little normal now. I can feel God's presence again, I want to serve Him and grow in Him, and am motivated to keep drawing closer to my Lord.
• I can feel the prayers of my growth group at New Life Baptist -- we are to pray for one thing for each member in our group for one month. My prayer request this week was to feel God's presence and experience His joy again. That was on Wednesday - Friday, Saturday, and today have been full of His joy! Praise the Lord!
• I still have my moments and I still miss my dad. He played such a large role in my life. I am so thankful we had such a healthy relationship. I was so blessed.
• Jeremy Camp, Natalie Grant, and Bebo Norman are here...in western PA, 5 miles from my house. I'm shocked! The concert tonight will bring some excitement into my life! :)
• I have been so blessed to have several godly men in my life step up and be a father figure to me. Just their presence in my life helps ease a little bit of the pain. Likewise, I have so many wise women who have shared their advice and gave me their listening ear. I am thankful!
• Did I mention we have a wonderful, indescrible God? He is so good to me - He's healing my broken heart - and He's my Father in heaven. What more do I need?

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

Weddings are beautiful. There is just something about watching a man and a woman commit their lives to each other for the rest of their time on this earth that gives me chills. Today, I had the honor of witnessing two church friends get married. It was beautiful, they are in love, and I was so excited for them.

And then...came the Father/Daughter dance song. It wasn't until the DJ called all the fathers and daughters out to the dance floor that I lost it. I sat in my seat and had tears streaming down my face. And as I sat there, I heard myself say, "It's not fair. It's not fair that they all have a dad who is alive." And I repeat that - it's not fair. In my mind, it's not fair that my dad and I only had 20 years together. It's not fair that he's not here to protect me and love me. It's not fair that the majority of my friends don't understand or are so uncomfortable with everything, causing strain in the relationship. It's not fair that most people at Geneva are stressing about getting their homework done and getting out of class on time...while I'm stressing about all that on top of grieving the death of my dad. It's not fair.

But....life is not fair. And I'm sure everyone thinks that from time to time-whether it's about how people treat you or dealing with the death of a loved one. BUT - we have a God who is there for us no matter what. He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us (Joshua 1:5). I had an amazing relationship with my dad for 20 years of my life....something alot of girls never experience. I knew he loved me (he never had to tell me) - and knew he would love me unconditionally; his life showed his love. I have wonderful professors, employers, and adult friends who are willing to listen to me ramble and pour my heart out when I need to. I have been far blessed beyond what I deserve and really have had a wonderful life - but some days I just miss my dad....and tonight is one of them.

It's a battle. Every day is a battle-a battle of knowing when it's ok to grieve and when to put up a wall. A battle of putting a smile on my face. A battle of balancing grieving with moving on with life. A battle of getting to class or work on time, becasue I'm just so emotionally exhausted. A battle of learning to be content with where God has placed me in my life. But you know what? The Lord has promised to fight our battles for us - 2 Chronicles 20:15 says "Do not be afraid of discouraged...For the battle is not yours, but God's." I don't have to worry - it's not my battle. I'm just one of the soldiers. We already know the outcome of the battle - God has promised victory if we just keep our eyes on Him. Are you facing any battles today? Are you willing to give them to the rightful owner?

It may seem that the battle will never end or you may be weary and tired....but do not fear, do not give up. "You will not have to fight this battle. take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverence the Lord will give you....Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you." (2 Chron. 20:16-17)

Will you join me in giving our battles to the Lord and letting Him bring the victory?