Beauty Will Rise

Whew.

The past few weeks have been rough. I think they may have even been worse than the week my dad died. Things have just been....not so good. I've found that I really miss my dad. I mean, really, really. I didn't think this kinda of ache and pain was possible. I just want to run up to him and wrap my arms around his neck and give him a HUGE hug. This isn't typical of our relationship -- I think that shows how much I miss him. I want him to be here to fix my car; I've been having some issues with it. I want him here to joke around with me. I want him here to protect me. I want him here to be the authority in the house. I want him here for Christmas and my mom's and his 30th wedding anniversary (which is tomorrow). I want him here so I know that I am loved. There's lots of other issues going on too....but those are better left unsaid. Just say lots of prayers for us if you think about it.

One of my friends got me Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD -- and I've been listening to it nonstop for the past 2 weeks. All these songs were written out of his experience with losing his youngest daughter in a car accident. Almost every song on that CD has ministered to me - for his thoughts are all my thoughts. And it's just so nice to see that I'm not the only one who's feeling this pain. So....just for some random lyrics from the new CD that pretty much sum up the thoughts I've been having lately....

"This is not how it should be, This is not how it could be, But this is how it is, and our God is in control." ("Our God is in Control")

"Who are You God? Cuase You are turning out to be so much different that I imagined, and where are You God? Cause I am finding life to be so much harder than I had planned. You know that I'm afraid to ask these queswtions, but You know they are there, and if You know my heart the way that I believe You do, You know that I believe in You, But still I have these questions." ("Questions")

"Whatever road this life takes you down, Jesuse will meet You there. He knows the way to where you are, He knows the way to the depths ofyour heart, He knows the way cuase He's already been where you're going, Jesus will meet you there." ("Jesus Will Meet You There")


"I don't even want to breathe right now, All I want to do is close my eyes, And I dont want to open them again, Til I'm standing on the other side, I dont even want to be right now, I dont want to think another thought, And I dont want to feel this pain I feel, but right now pain is all I've got....Trust You God, I will, Even when i don't understand, Even then I will say again, You are my God and I will trust You." ("I Will Trust You")

And lastly....probably the song that has hit me the hardest.... "Beauty Will Rise."

"It was the day the world went wrong, I screamed till my voice was gone, And watched through the tears as everything came crashing down, Slowly panic turns to pain as we awake to what remains, And sift through the ashes that are left behind, But buried deep beneath, All our broken dreams we have this hope -- Out of these ashes, Beauty will rise. And we will dance amoung the ruins, We will see it with our own eyes. Out of these ashes, Beauty will rise, For we know joy is coming in the morning, in the morning, beauty will rise. So take another breath for now, and let the tears come washing down, And if you can't believe, I will believe for you."

Ahhh... my thoughts. So much pain and hurt lately. So many tears. So much sadness. And in the midst of it, I found out how thankful I am for the people placed in my life. And for a God who promises to hold my life together, even if I feel like I can't. Because I can't -- He alone has control. And I'm thankful for people who love me enough to sit with me through my tears.

Beauty will rise. Joy is coming in the morning -- the night just seems so long. But morning is coming and then, we will see His beauty. Pray for patience. I want that morning to be here sooo soon. This reminds me of something I told my girls in my Bible Study last night.... The pearl - a beautiful piece of jewelry is made out of much pain, from sand rubbing up against it inside the oyster shell. One day, I hope I will be able to look back and say that I am a beautiful pearl that was only made beautiful by the pain in my life that caused me to grow.

Lord, come quickly.